This blog has seriously been haunting me…. Like it would just keep coming up in my mind… over and over and over again. Then I heard Lance Wallnau say that repeated desires are an indication of what you should be doing, what God wants you to do. Ok… so here we go. This past weekend I attended my church’s Legacy Women’s Conference (Amazing)!
The thing that has resonated with me is that I have had two BFFs (Best Friends, for like – Forever) …. FEAR & DOUBT. Seriously , these chics have been with me for as long as I can remember . Every big decision, every small decision, They have something to say about it. It seems that I have always valued their opinion. No really, I consult them on EVERYTHING.
So Pastor Amy goes on to say that Fear and Doubt have been allowed to sit at the dinner table with us every day (breakfast, lunch and dinner for me) … getting FAT. Feasting on all our dreams, desires, all of our promises. Meanwhile, The Voice of God is left STARVING for our attention. WOW … Really??? The Voice that tells me that I’m good enough just the way I am, that I can do anything, that He will make a way for the impossible , has not been able to get a word in edgewise because of my two BFFs.
This was really eye-opening for me. It’s not super religious or hokey. It truly is the reality of my life. Especially now. I fret over everything. How would it feel to live a life with No Fear, Only the fear and reverence for God. Like, I could do anything. Who wouldn’t want that. I recently applied for this job, a promotion. Only myself and one other person were allowed to apply, and it seems to be more work than anyone in their right mind would take on and I can’t really say that I’m professionally prepared and I’m sure this will not be my life’s work AND YET … I’m presented with this opportunity (out of the blue), one of those opportunities that could take you from Go to Boardwalk with one roll of the dice. So I interviewed and now …. waiting.
Now you can imagine that my two BFFs are like on steroids , when I have Starbucks, they have Starbucks! Geesh – I can’t even enjoy my espresso.
But yesterday, as I’m trying to absorb all of this information I was given in the conference …. I start laughing and crying and feeling this overwhelming calm all at the same time….. WHOA! PEACE …. In other words … Not Worried feeling… (like I was having dinner without by BFFs). I understand that I have no control over the decision. That I don’t want any control over the decision. That I’m perfectly OKAY with either decision. If I get the job, I know that I can just be ME and God will give me everything I need to be successful. And if I don’t get the job, He will give me everything I need to be successful! WOW
When I was deciding if I should apply or not …I heard this pastor say during bible study …. “Your success will not be determined by what’s going on around you. It will be determined by what is inside of you.” Okay…working somewhere for six yrs and then being passed over for a promotion, not exactly my idea of success so….. At the time the only meaning I got from that was … even though you don’t feel prepared or ready and people will be critical and you will have to deal with people doubting you …. It won’t matter, you will get the job and all of that stuff won’t determine your success in it. BUT YESTERDAY I realized that I may be faced with the opposite of those circumstances. Maybe that is what that word was for. Either way .. His word won’t return unto Him void …. How great it is to know (really know) that this particular job (or not) will not determine nor will it be a measure of my success.
For the first time in 3 weeks …. My BFFs have nothing to say! This Quietness in my head is Golden!